mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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