Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
