He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
