Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
