just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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