Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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