So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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