what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
