Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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