I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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