Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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