what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
