I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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