you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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