He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
