I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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