My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
