If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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