I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
