So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
