just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well you can't waste a boner
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We talked him into tasing himself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
