You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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