A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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