Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
