Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
