We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
