I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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