Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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