Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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