Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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