You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
