yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
