you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
