evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
