you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
