Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
