Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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