just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
