Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
