Don't you send me to vm
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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