Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
