Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
