I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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