i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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