In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
