I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
