Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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