I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
