I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
