If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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