Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
