Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
