you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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