you would pick up someone in the library
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
