So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
