I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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