She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
