Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
